Interrogation

14 May 2021

Where are the experiences?

I sometimes mention those “that one time…” and “what ifs.”

Trying to fit in

But I barely fit the mold that I put before me

I speak out and no one responds

Because I never spoke at all

I think I’m yelling but

It’s a mere whisper

My friends carry on so casually

They shake hands with the soil we walk on

but I crumble with each step

My mouth is glued shut

And I’d pull and pull and pull

The more I’d pull the stickier it’d get

Just say something, say anything

But all I can do is cough up the glue and cluttered phrases

I’m walking on this path aligned with green trees in front of a blazing sky

Then there’s this roadblock faultlessly set in my way

So I’ll put my hands together and look down at my shoes

And just wonder who’d put this here

And the answer is in the mirror

This room I’m in feels like the walls are coming closer and closer

And the key to get out is under this mat but

My foot just won’t let up

Every birthday I’d sit at the same vanilla cake and wish for one thing

To be able to speak my mind without my mind stopping me

And the sparks on the cake fly tiredly from telling me to just stop trying

I sit and watch my life play out before me

I follow my physical body like a ghost

Just watching, just waiting

You haven’t gotten what you want

And you’re scared to