15 Jan 2021
“Oo, shades!” she said, taking the sunglasses out of the box and putting them on. Richard smiled.
“And the best part is,” he said, pulling out his own pair, “they were half-off!” He put his sunglasses on and grinned. She shoved his shoulder.
“Richard! You bought yourself a present for my birthday?” she asked, pretending to be offended. Her blonde hair framed the sunglasses perfectly.
“I got you sunglasses too! I’ll never leave you out of the fun,” he said as he leaned against the wire fence. The sunglasses were only a diversion for his real gift. She laughed.
“Man, we have got to hang out more often. It’s been too long,” she said.
“Yeah, it has,” Richard said. “You know, it’s too sunny out here. These trees aren’t shady enough. Wanna go inside?” His surprise was in the restaurant.
“Nah, man, the weather’s perfect! Besides, we’ve got shades!” she said. Well, that backfired.
“So, what’d your boyfriend get you?” Richard asked.
“Oh, him? We actually broke up like two weeks ago,” she said.
“Really?” Richard said, controlling his excitement.
“Yeah. He went to a party and forgot to pick me up from the airport for five hours,” she said. “Not cool.”
“Dang it. Can’t you find a single guy who’s not a jerk?” Besides me?
“I know, right? At least he didn’t run off with some other lady like the magician.”
“How’d the breakup go?” Richard asked. Even with the sunglasses, he could tell she was rolling her eyes.
“Oh, you know, same as always. Denial, anger, bargaining, depression, acceptance. He’s been stuck in stage four for almost a week.”
“Dang, that’s almost as long as that guy with all the trucks,” Richard said.
“I hope he doesn’t handle it that badly,” she said. “I almost got a restraining order for him. Thank goodness he moved.” Richard laughed.
“Dance class must be pretty awkward now,” Richard said. She laughed and took her sunglasses off.
“Man, he hasn’t even come to class since we broke up!” Richard laughed.
“What?” he asked.
“He’s just been leaving me sad voicemails, like ‘I miss you’ and junk like that,” she laughed. That girl could laugh through anything. “Too bad. He was one of the best in the class. Anyway, that’s my situation. What about you? Got a special lady in your life yet?”
“Do I?” Richard said. “Come on. You know me. I meet someone, we go on a few dates, they start moving along too quickly, and I cut it off. I’ve probably dated half the town by now. But the cycle goes on, and the universe remains in harmony.”
“You mean, you meet someone and go on some dates, then your fear of commitment kicks in and you self-sabotage.” She knew him too well. “So, who is it this time? Are you still with that waitress?”
“Actually,” Richard said, “we broke up a few months ago.”
“You didn’t take her to the haunted house, did you?”
“Of course not! I’ve tried that with three different people and it’s never ended well.”
“Good. My ex tried to take me there before we split up, and I was like, no way. I’d go through the Chuck E. Cheese’s incident again before I’d go back to that dump.” Richard laughed.
“I still can’t believe you almost got out of that disaster with a stable relationship. You’re a real genius.”
“Not genius enough, I guess.” She sighed.
Richard remembered what he was supposed to be doing. “Hey, I think the waitress is with that classy bartender now.”
“Oh, really?” She asked.
“Yeah,” Richard said. “You want to see if he’s working right now?”
“Sure!” she said, bouncing up the stairs to the restaurant door. Richard followed, grinning. She was going to love this. She opened the door and dramatically gestured for Richard to enter. Richard opened the inner door and did the same, almost falling over. She laughed and went in. The bartender was there with the waitress, but the rest of the restaurant was empty, just like they’d planned. He finished wiping down the counter and Richard gave him the wink. The bartender grinned and twirled around, faster than Rick would’ve believed possible if he hadn’t seen this performance rehearsed. The girl gasped.
“Happy-Birthday-To-You,” the bartender sang as he spun. He clapped his hands three times between the lines. The waitress danced too, though the bartender was clearly the star. “Happy-Birthday-To-You,” he said, now juggling shot glasses while he twirled. Fantastic. As the song went on, Richard found that he envied the bartender’s skills. Richard could sing better than he could, but sometimes it felt like everyone he knew was a professional dancer. All he could do was wiggle his arms around. “Happy birthday to you!” The bartender finished with mid-air splits. The girl cheered and applauded.
“Thank you!” she said.
“Don’t give me all the credit,” the bartender said, twirling back to the taps. “It was Richard’s idea.”
She grinned. “We really do need to hang out more often.”
“Anything for my best friend,” Richard tried to smile as he said it. Her smile faded a bit.
“Yep. Best friend,” she said.
The restaurant door opened and they glanced over to see who it was. Richard turned as red as his hair.
“Aw, crud,” said the bartender.
“Hey,” the new guy said. He somehow made blonde hair look arrogant. “Uh, I wasn’t expecting to run into you…two?” She rolled her eyes.
“Dude, did you seriously just follow me here? We’re done. Get over it.”
“I didn’t think you’d be hanging out with Rick–”
“Hey!” Richard said. “Only she gets to call me that.”
“Look,” he said. “I’ve been thinking about what happened, and I’m sorry.” Dang it. Her ex had backslid to the bargaining stage.
“I know,” she said. “You’ve only called me about it thirty times or so.” He sighed.
“I’m trying to make a sincere apology here. I know what I did was wrong, and I’m sorry. I just–when I’m around you, I feel like such a better person. When I don’t have you, I’m just a pathetic bag of sad. I’m really trying to be better. I promise. If I had you, I know I could do it. I feel like…you’re my missing piece.” She frowned, but she was biting her lip. She wasn’t actually listening to him, was she?
“I know I was a jerk, and that was a stupid thing for me to do, but it’s in the past now. I really think, together, we could be something amazing. Do you think we could, y’know…try again.” She remained silent for a moment.
“…Fine,” she said. “You get another chance.” His face brightened.
“Really? Oh, wow! Thank you!” He said, walking over to them.
“Whoa, whoa, hold on,” Richard said, stepping between them. He took his sunglasses off. “Are you serious? He deserted you! You’re going to get back together with him?”
“I mean, he did, but he seems really sorry about it. He deserves another chance.”
“Dude!” Richard leaned closer and whispered, still loud enough for everyone to hear. “You two were on thin ice long before the airport incident. He was a jerk to you. Remember rule seventeen? ‘Don’t assume someone will change once they’re in a relationship.’”
“Richard,” she whispered just for him to hear, “I know he makes mistakes, but he’s one of the best guys I’ve ever had a chance with. I don’t know, maybe he’s the best I’ll ever get. Don’t ruin this for me.” Richard frowned. She thought this jerk was the best she could get? She deserved so much more.
She walked past Richard to her ex. He held out his hand to take hers. She looked at it for a moment, then put her hand in his, leaning away from him ever so slightly, as if she wanted to keep him at arm’s length. “See you later, Richard,” she said. They walked out and the doors closed.
“Are you serious right now?” The waitress said. Richard turned towards them. The bartender was shaking his head.
“You, sir, have got to go out there and stop this,” the bartender said. “This is a disaster.”
“No,” Richard said. “Well, yes, it’s a disaster, but it’s not my job to decide who she ends up with. It’s her decision. Maybe she’s right.”
“Do you really believe she’s going to be happy with that jerk?” The bartender said. No, Richard thought. Not for a second.
“It doesn’t matter what I think,” Richard said. “It’s her decision, not mine. I’m not gonna go barging out there and tell her off again. I’ve messed things up enough already.”
“Then don’t just tell her not to go with him,” the waitress said. “Give her a better option.”
“What do you mean?” Richard said.
“Dude,” the bartender said, “You’ve told me how you feel about her. And you two would be perfect together.”
“What if I mess things up?” Rick asked.
“Dude, you’re such a pro at this stuff. There’s no way you’d mess it up,” the bartender said. “In fact, don’t tell her. Sing it to her!”
Richard gave him a flat look. “Seriously? Sing it?”
“Yes!” The bartender said. “You are, like, the greatest singer of the century. People will be playing your songs for decades.”
“Okay,” Richard said. “I’ll do it. I’ll tell her.” The bartender did a handspring over the counter and landed next to him.
“Then what are we waiting for?” He said. “Let’s go!”
They ran out of the restaurant. The bartender jumped at the fence and pushed off to pick up speed.
They were walking together under the bridge. At night, the moonlight reflected off the water and cast shimmering light on the brick arches. They weren’t talking. Richard could practically feel the awkwardness radiating from the couple.
“Hey, dude!” The bartender yelled. They turned. The bartender walked towards them, hefting a boom box. “I hear you fancy yourself a dancer,” he said, putting the boom box down. “Wanna prove it?”
“Oh, it’s on, man,” he said. The bartender started the music and they started twirling aggressively at each other. The music was strangely upbeat for such a furious display of force. He was fast, but he was slipping. Those two weeks of missed practice were costing him.
Now that they were distracted, Richard came out from behind an archway. Her ex saw him, but he was in too deep. One did not simply back out of a dance challenge. He started twirling faster.
“Rick,” she said, annoyed. “What are you doing here?” Richard took a deep breath. He’d written the song in his head on the way over. He had one shot.
“We’re no strangers to love,” he sang with the music, wiggling his arms in an earnest attempt at a dance move. She stared at him in shock.
“You know the rules, and so do I,” he continued, mixing his arm wiggles with shimmies.
“Are you serious right now?” she said.
“A full commitment’s what I’m thinking of,” he said. The dance battle was getting intense. “You wouldn’t get this from any other guy,” he said, taking a deep breath.
“What are you saying?” she said.
“I, just wanna tell you how I’m feeling,” he sang. “Gotta make you, understand,”
“Never gonna give you up, never gonna let you down, never gonna run around and desert you. Never gonna make you cry, never gonna say goodbye, never gonna tell a lie, and hurt you,” he continued. She put her hand to her mouth and smiled.
“Took you long enough,” she said. Is this actually happening?
“Beat this!” Her ex yelled, getting low and sticking out his arms. The bartender dodged with a standing backflip.
“We’ve known each other for so long. Your heart’s been aching, but you’re too shy to say it,” Richard sang, echoing the last words. “Inside, we both know what’s been going on. We know the game, and we’re gonna play it,” Richard glanced at the dance battle. They were getting closer, and her ex was glaring at him.
“And if you ask me how I’m feeling, Don’t tell me you’re too blind to see,” then she grabbed his hand and pulled him away from the whirling dance fight. Her ex roared and charged at Richard.
The bartender ran straight up a wall, did a backflip, and stuck the landing perfectly. Her ex froze, stunned at the unbeatable move. The bartender turned to them. “That’ll hold him.”
“Come on, Rick,” she said. “Let’s roll.”